How to Raise a Feminist Son - Sonora Jha
Chapter 1 - Help, I just found out I'm having a son!
This paragraph sums the chapter, and the general motivation and inspiration one is likely to take away from the book.
If you are reading this book, you probably have a boy in your life whom you want to raise as a feminist. I hold you in happy solidarity. And I tell you we are not alone. We can snuff out toxic masculinity, which is defined as a cultural concept of manliness that glorifies stoicism, strength, virility, dominance, and violence, and that is socially maladaptive or harmful to boys' own mental health. We can build a gentle and vital masculinity from the ground up. We can raise our children without gender stereotypes, perhaps even without gender binaries, so that they are free to experience and express the whole spectrum of human emotion. And we can be people of any gender building all sorts of family as we do it.
And this is a beautiful practical example I'm certainly going to make use of, in variations appropriate to my son's age
I do not believe the my-stay-home-mom friends will fail to raise feminists, but I have come to see that mothers who seek and find fulfillment of any kind outside a homemaker role are more likely to phone home and ask their sons to fold the laundry. I made it a point at lease once a week to call my teenage boy and ask him "What's for dinner?"
The chapter had todos at the end of it 
so here it goes, for this one.
so here it goes, for this one.Chapter 1 Todos
Make a list of reasons why you believe feminism is good for your boy.
- To begin with, feminism symbolises many things, if not everything, that goes into what a better version of humans we can all be, regardless of gender or sex identity. Who wouldn't want their kids, or anyone for that matter, but truly and especially their boys who are pre-dispositioned in the world we live in to be dragged into the toxic/patriarchic-masculine role, to be that?! No one. No one with a sane mind and true love for their kids and for others, would want anything else.
- It will make him a better ally, in case we achieve the goal of him growing and becoming a person of healthy-masculinity within, to feminists. We need that, too, to have better chances at completing a leap and long-term upgrade of human culture and condition.
- It will give him opportunities to live a more fulfilling, more meaningful, more joyful and definitely more better-masculine and emotional experiences that many many boys have been denied, being raised and locked into the "Man Box".
- It will save him, and everyone around him, from much misery and suffering that can be caused by him, otherwise.
- It will allow him to be a better brother to his sister, and allow her to be a better sister to him, too. It will give both of them far better chances at having a closer, more respectful, less biased and stereotyped, and deeper relationship.
Complete this sentence in your own words: "I aspire to raise a feminist boy because..."
... that's the only way I should be raising him, if I want to consider my task done well.
Chapter 2 - What if I'm not a good Feminist?
It is fascinating and very reassuring to read Sonora grapple with her/our understanding of feminism in a plain, curious, questioning, committed and motivated fashion.
Let's just admin that we do not yet have the lens, the language, or the socialization to comprehend what an unquestioning love for women would look like.
The display of that inner pursuit in this chapter is very accessible, and signifies how important of a task it is, to discover the feminism we ought to be embracing and living from within.
Our brothers are beating or murdering us, and yet, somewhere inside me is still the twenty-three-year-old who just wants to go home and pretend everything is OK. But [...] I have this to say-—the greatest feminist resistance I have had to launch has been within myself. It gets easier and then it gets suddenly harder, over and over until it turns almost into muscle memory. Feminist struggle becomes pleasurable.
Chapter 2 To-Dos
I urge you to track your feminist journey:
When did you first hear the [feminist] word?
The first time I remember absorbing and learning about the word and the movement was probably when I read the news online related to Mona Eltahawy abuse during the Egyptian revolution.
When did you first feel it warm your bones?
That must have been when I more thoroughly thought about how it might affect my life choices, behavior, thoughts etc upon receiving the news of the pregnancy with my daughter, Thea. The night she was born, walking back home from the hospital, thinking of her growing into this world, at a time where she has as much opportunity as challenge to be herself, free of old-age societal norms, was a very heartwarming thought. The thrill of the challenge and the responsibility on my availability for her, were probably a big part of that feeling.
When did you say, "I don't really call myself a feminist; I'm a humanist"?
Probably occasionally while trying to think about it or talk about it with others. If we achieve more "feminist" progress in the world, we are elevating all humanity. So it does seem as-if they are interchangeable in that sense. But one can argue the problems that feminist movement has focused on through their many waves may be a subset of all suppression and control problems people and systems
Feminism is nothing to be defined once, be set in stone delivered to the masses and then be followed by them in a religious fashion. It's no surprise, probably, that a question like "what is feminism?" or "what is the goal, and what are the means?" runs so deep and challenges millenniums of social norms, religion and political systems. The answer is a work-in-progress. The answer is, there's no final answer.
When did you throw yourself in like your life depended on it?
Haven't been in such a situation, yet. I hope I won't need to, though.
Make a list of your feminist moments.
Do you reflect on them differently in hindsight?
There has been a lot of thoughts and processing that I used to do in the past that I do differently today. Perhaps the most significant one was moving from categorizing feminism from an issue of niche and privileged interest (in how I first understood it's portrayal and fellowship) to an large issue that everyone need to be aware of and contribute to solving in their private lives. It is a cultural shift that concerns all humanity, at the same level as climate change. If we don't achieve significant growth in it, we will remain stuck in a system that is filled with injustice and suffering that questions our commitment to even the most basic human rights and dignity.
Can you acknowledge the "bad feminist" moments and build something good from them?
I probably can answer this questions in a few years from now better. Once I have lived a little longer with my daughter and son and experienced with them, especially, more private and personal experiences.